You wake up in the morning to emails from countless middle-aged men, saying things like, "Good morning", "Hi there! You are lovely, I'd love to get to know you. Here are my pics", or "Hi, how are you, looking forward to hearing from you".
No, this isn't a dating app. And yes, when you tell your friend about it, they don't take it seriously. When did you list yourself as a potential sex worker? And is it sex work? The company tries really hard to separate it from prostitution: "This isn't about getting money for sex, this is about an experience, about leveling yourself up, dating men who will provide for you."
Except... you get a message from another man this morning, who sends you tips and words of caution on how to proceed:
1. Be careful if you're under 21 years old, you'll be targeted. 2. Protect your identity until you trust the men you get involved with (case in point: the company also tells you to hide your real name and to never give out bank details) 3. It's too good to be true if someone offers you a big allowance or pay-per-date, or even if they have a high net worth. 4. Remember that unless they pay, it means nothing. Men can claim to be worth millions, but what does it matter unless they pay you what you want? 5. Some men will agree to pay a large allowance to you per month, but after getting intimate, they'll drop you and you'll never hear from them again. 6. Never interact with a man who doesn't share their photos or identity. 7. Don't trust men wanting to meet you at a hotel or an AirBnB room. They might not pay, they might not see you again. Don't trust them if they ask you to meet them in a car or late at night. 8. Be weary of charming men. Be careful of those who promise shopping trips and vacations. 9. Always meet the person the first time in public, preferably during the day. 10. Only accept drinks that are unopened. It's better if you don't drink on your first date. If he insists and forces you, that's a red flag. 11. Establish boundaries in the beginning. Men will push to have sex without condoms- please DON'T take any risk that will impact your long-term emotional/physical health. They'll ask you to go on birth control. The money isn't worth it at this point.
And lastly...
12. Always trust your instincts and feelings over the money. Please remember that NO money is worth your long-term mental/emotional and physical health.
Interesting.
There's always this game of the hunter and the hunted. We do the work that other women won't or can't do. Sometimes we do the work because we have to, to survive. Sometimes the narrative writes itself out for us and we end up in these positions. It doesn't mean we're bad or wrong or immoral. It means that whatever structures that are in place have placed us in this precarious position and yet, no one wants to take the blame for putting us here.
Let's take a journey backwards and see what led us here. Men (usually family members) stripping us of our identity ("you're not Punjabi because you act like a white girl"), men fetishizing us ("Indian women are beautiful and exotic, I'd love to date a brown girl"), men comparing you to other women ("I have a preference for Asian women, but I'm dating you"), men twisting your interests to suit their libido ("you belly dance? Can you dance for me?"), men playing with their superior status (managers, former bosses, taking sexual advantage of their subordinates), ex-boyfriends who believe they have monopoly over you and what you do, who you speak with and what you wear, men who use you for resources (being the mother they never had), and etc, and etc. Or the days the men you loved and whom were supposed to love you broke your heart over and over again. The disappointments, the broken promises. Hopes dashed, dreams crushed. And all the words that came along with it.
The list goes on. These stories are in every women who have gone down this path. Stories of heartbreak, betrayal, countless abandonments. Yet I still believe women are the stronger ones here, because there is nothing that shows me the strength of men. It is false bravado, an illusion, a narrative concocted by them to make themselves seem more grand than they actually are. For what kind of person plays in human trafficking and calls it noble? What nobility is in that?
And still, after all that, we rip ourselves open to give you new life, to instill in your grey sky a range of colours, we plant the earth and bring you flowers, we water you when you wilt, build you when you crumble, create when we want to die, revive ourselves when we reach our end. A world without women is a world of nothing because we are the Creators of this life. And yet- people will ask us- "where did your dignity go, when you spread yourself out for men who take you like monsters?"
Our dignity is there the entire time. It is there when we graduate at the top of our class. It is there when we heal ourselves from our long-standing trauma. It is there when we extend love and kindness when others don't deserve it from us. It is there when we achieve our goals, it is there when we stand up for ourselves in the face of danger and fear. Our dignity is always there, it has never left. The act of splitting ourselves open, like a knife cleaving us in half, is survival. It is dignified. Our inherent worth has never left us, despite the attempts of countless others to take it away.
But at the end of the day It's hard to be strong all the time It's better sometimes To just rest And get away from the world To sink into oneself And forget everything.
